When she showed me [the waiting family’s] book, I knew it was them. They felt like family and I had not even met them.
The beautiful thoughts of a mother who made an adoption plan for her child…
“Part of loving your child is knowing when you can’t be enough. I know that sounds harsh. But, it’s the truth. When I was pregnant with my sweet [baby], I knew that I could not be ENOUGH. There were so many things going on in my life. I could barely feed the quickly growing 9 year old that I already had. I had to ask myself, ‘Would this be fair?’
Every time during those months when something would get cut off, I would ask myself, ‘What if there was an infant in this house? Could you wait 24 hours for your electricity to be reconnected with a newborn in the house?’ The answer to all those questions was no. I could not provide for 2 children. And putting them both through a struggle like that would not be fair to them.
And I know you’re thinking, ‘Well why not get a better job? Why not finish school?’ I was in the process of doing all those things. But, obviously, having another child would put those things on hold and eventually I would be starting from scratch, trying to get back on track. So, I went to Catholic Charities. I randomly picked them from a list of adoption agencies. Well, actually, I’m sure The Good Lord made the choice. I just followed suit.
Meeting with Mary confirmed that I had made the right choice. When she showed me [the waiting family’s] book, I knew it was them. They felt like family and I had not even met them.
So, I carried out my last few weeks of pregnancy thinking that I could do this. When the time came, I did something that, from what I gather, a lot of birth mothers don’t do. I told the hospital staff that I did not want to see my baby. Because, I knew in my heart, that if I saw him or her (I was unaware of his gender until he was born) I wouldn’t want to let go. I birthed [my baby] with my eyes closed tighter than I’ve ever held them before. And if I said it didn’t hurt, I’d be lying. I felt like a failure. Here I was, giving birth, alone because no one knew I was pregnant, and giving my child up to ‘strangers.’ But, then I heard him cry. It was so vibrant, and ALIVE. And I knew I wanted him to never cry like that from pain or hunger that could not be sufficed. At that moment, I kept my eyes closed, and set him free.
[The adoptive mother] came to see me in the hospital and that is what made all of this worth it. I didn’t realize until meeting her, that I had given her and [the adoptive father] a gift. When she cried I knew I had made the right choice. This was his mother. And she deserved him. From that moment on, we became family.
[He] will be 4 years old next month. And these 4 years I have watched him grow through pictures and in person. He knows me and I know him. He knows who my son is. We are not strangers. He is a piece of me. But, he is the son of two of the most precious angels I have ever been blessed enough to know. See, they always say that I gave them a gift. But, in my eyes, they gave the biggest gift of all. They saved [his] life. They gave him a chance. An opportunity. And any greatness he accomplishes, will be because they were willing to love him. To protect him. To be his parents. And give him the life he deserves. [He] is in the best place possible. And I thank God for his parents. Adoption may feel like an easy way out. Or a fool’s choice. But, it’s being able to put yourself to the side, and give your baby the life they deserve.”
[names withheld for privacy]
